Ben - The thief

In Ben's church, the pastor preach on Sunday on the topic-  God's time is the best
The following day Ben secretly go to church and steal the clock. when inquiry was made it was found that it's Ben that steal the clock. The pastor ask, Ben why did you steal the clock he reply, are you not the one that said God's time is the best.

A carpenter

A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to accuse him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.
The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches."
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer.
"Well, I know that some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

Big head - head of the family

John ask his father, daddy who is the head of this family and the father reply , am the head. And john sighs and reply i know why you are the head of this family, i think is because your head is big.