PASTOR CHAMA

Pastor Chama was caught by his church member in a bar drinking a bottle of chilled star beer.
The member asked:
Member: Haa! Pastor Chama you should be drinking Malt, Fanta or Coke not Star that is a beer. You are not doing the word you preach pastor.
Pastor Chama: Shut up, where was Malt, Fanta and Coke when STAR led the 3 wise men to Jesus?

Bonny & Mum

Bonny: Mum. You call my brother Small Angel
Mum: yes i did
Bonny: And you said angels normally fly
Mum: Yes
Bonny: but my brother didn't fly when i threw him through the window.

FUNNY AMERICAN VIDEO

FUNNIEST VIDEO EVER

FUNNY VIDEO

KENYAN. AMERICAN, NIGERIAN WITH CANNIBALS

A Kenyan, American and Nigerian were lost in a forest and were captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals told the three friends that they could live if... they pass a trial.

The 1st step was to go deep into the forest and get 10 pieces
of the same kind of fruits. The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits.

... The Ghanaian man came back with 10 apples, and then the King explained the trial to him.

King: You have to swallow the fruits without any expression on your face or you will be killed.
The first apple went in, but on the second one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The American arrived and showed the king 10 berries. When the king
explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be
easy he swallowed up to eight, on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The Kenyan and American met in heaven... The Ghanaian man asked, "why
did you laugh? You almost got away with the trial"....then the American man
replied, "I couldn't help it, when i saw the Nigerian man coming with Watermelons!!!

THE PRIEST

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, somewhat flustered, "that's not what I meant. "Has anybody SEEN a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up.

CREATION PROCESS

A primary school teacher was teaching her pupils Christian Religious Knowledge , after few minutes of teaching, the teacher asked, what is  the materials God us to create human being, immediately all hands were up, the teacher call on one of the pupils, the boy said, breath of God, the whole class laughed, but the teacher then go further by explaining to the boy that before the breath, what was the material God used to mould us and a girl quickly said clay, everybody clapped, the teacher said good answer, after few seconds of clapping one of the boys screamed and said, stop, stop, please teacher don’t teach us non-sense, are you saying that clay was the only materials used, that is totally wrong God also use charcoal and a very good example is you. I hardly see someone as black as you are.

STUPID TOMI

Tomi heard in the news that five (5) people die in a car accident.

The following day, in classroom the teacher asks Tomi to count from 0 to 10
Tomi: 0 1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10
Teacher: Where is 5?
Tomi: Yesterday I heard on the news that 5 died in a car accident.

LAWYER LIE

A married lawyer made love to his girl-friend inside his car one day. On getting home, his wife saw the girl's pant in the car. She got mad and tore it to pieces screaming: Honey! Honey!!! What is this? The lawyer calmly replied: My God, you have just destroyed evidence of a rape case worth millions of Naira. She quickly fell on her knees apologizing Honey please forgive me God will bring another one.

birthday gift.

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a birthday gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
Na so fight start ...

Marriage certificate.

A man was taking a close look at their marriage certificate, checking all the words in the certificate one by one. His wife notice this and ask him what he is looking for in the certificate, he replied, saying, am finding the expiry date.

Wife drop towel because of $800

The husband is going into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the door-bell rings. 

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Bob looks a bit flustered from seeing her in the towel, but smiles and says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking about it she realizes she has the chance of earning $800 within a minute, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. 

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob," she replies. "Okay "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Who is the most foolish man

Who is d most foolish among dis 3 men :  A Hausa man who watered his farm garden in the rain. An Igbo man who saw ripe mango & climb the tree to confirm then come down and start throwing stone 2 pluck it, and a Yoruba man saw something that looked like shit, he touch with his finger & tasted it and said "mmmh"  so is shit,  thank God I no match am!. Pls i need reply.

Doctor foresee

A woman visited a Doctor.
Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am...
Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right?
Woman: How do you know?!
Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.

funny joke

In the school secretary’s office the phone rang and the conversation between the secretary and the caller goes thus-:

Caller: My daughter will not come to school today

Secretary: Okay, how did the girl relate to you?

Caller :- this is my mother calling

Akin's Long prayer

 Akin gets into a pharmacy & says 2 d pharmacist, "Hello, could u give me condom? I'm going 2 my girlfriend's place 4 dinner & I think I may b in with a chance!" D pharmacist gives him d condom & as he was going out he returns & says, “Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too, she always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me & I think I might strike a luck there too." the  pharmacist gives him a second condom & he was leaving, again he turns back & says "Give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute & when she sees meshe always makes eye contact & since she invited me 4 dinner I think she is expecting me 2 make a move. During dinner, Akin sat with his girlfriend on d left, d sister on his right & d mum facing him. When d Dad walks in, Akin lowers his head & starts d dinner prayer."Dear Lord, bless this dinner & thank u 4 all u'v given us".10minutes after, my friend Akin was still praying "Thank u Lord 4 you kindness." Another Ten minutes gone by & he is still praying, keeping his head down, very close 2 d table. They all looked at each other surprised, & his girlfriend was even more surprised than others. She gets close to him & whispered, "I didn't know u'r so religious."Akin replies, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!”

See wahala!!! If you were Akin...what will u do

The hungry man

A man went into a nearby restaurant to have his lunch. Gotting to the restaurant he orders for Rice with 7 meats, 3 fish and 5 snails. Suddenly a dog walk straight into the restaurant and go straight to the man and  started barking, the man was frightened and wondering why the dog is barking at him, "but there are many people in here, why don’t you go to them, why me," the man exclaim. He decides to move to another Table, as he was moving the dog followed him and was still barking, the man was confuse and decide to call the woman at the restaurant:-

Man: - Pls come and help me I don’t know what this dog want from me or did he want to eat.

Woman: - ha sorry sir, is the Dog’s plate we use to serve you

Man: - what!!!!!! Am finished

Swallowed Film

The conversation between a doctor and a patient goes thus:

Patient: I have swallowed the film from my camera

Doctor: we'll just have to see what develops

Ben's stupid idea

Benson was  frowning his face all over the house, so when his mother notice him, she ask why are you frowning your face Ben, then Ben answered and said  mother I   want a brother. Then his mother said," you know that your dad his not around, so when he his back we would talk about it". Then Ben’s face brightened up and he said, “Mom I have an idea. Since dad is away, why don’t we give dad a big surprise when he comes back!". And his mom asked,” which surprise?" and Ben said,” lets  impregnate you before he comes back!"

A man's confession

A man was dying on his sick bed. His wife sat at the edge of his bed comforting him.
The man looked at his wife and said, "My love, you have always been there for me even when I wrong you...  I must confess my sins ", but his wife say “There's no need to confess" holding his hands.
"No, no!” I must confess because I want to die a peaceful death. He said, “I slept with your mother, sister, and your best friend.”
His wife replied: “What!!!” well I know dear, but please relax. You don’t have to talk too much is dangerous. So just rest now so that the poison will work very well.

A boy's letter to his father

A father passing by his son’s bedroom just decides to check his son’s bedroom and was surprise to see his son’s bed neatly made up and the floor neatly swept. Then suddenly he saw an envelope on the pillow. Wondering what is in the envelope; he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,
It is with great pain and sorrow that I'm writing to you., I had to move to my girlfriend’s house because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I've been finding real love with Kate and she is so nice and caring. I knew you would not approve her for me because of her behavior, how she dress and what she wear and the tattoos all over her body and probably because she is much older than I am but it's not only the Love, Dad, Kate is pregnant. She said that we are going to be very happy and we will be okay. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter and we hope of having more children.
Kate has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t hurt anyone. We'll be planting it and selling it to other people in the community for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Kate can get better; Dad, I'm 16 years old now so you don’t have to worry about me I can take care of myself. I know for sure that, someday, we'll be back to visit you so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

                                                                                                               Your son, Junior
Please Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at David’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

Stupid, Mad and Crazy

There were three friends name Stupid, Mad, Crazy respectively.

One day crazy, got missing, so is friends were worried, they search for him every where but crazy was no where to be found.

Finally they decide to go to the police station to report to the police about the incident. Gotting to the police station they met a Policeman and the following conversation ensure between them:-

Stupid – Good morning sir

Policeman – What is your problem?

Mad- Our problem is that, our friend got lost or may be they kidnapped him we don’t know.

Policeman – when last did you see him?

Stupid – Two days ago

Policeman – do you have his picture with you?

Mad – No sir. May be when you help us to find him we will snap him and give you his picture. 

Policeman – You are stupid

Stupid answer – No am stupid

Policeman - You must be mad

Mad answer – Yes am mad

Policeman– Now I see that you guys are crazy

Mad and Stupid chorosly answer - Yes that is the person we are looking for.

HIV test

A man went for HIV test in a hospital on Friday and was told to come back on following week for the result. He now decided to go to church that Sunday to pray for a good result from the test. When he got to the church, the pastor declares to the people that everything you are looking forward to this week shall be positive.

Anxiously , the man jumped up and shouted, I reject it in Jesus name my own will be negative in Jesus name.

                                                             i love this Stunt driver do you\
 

Do you have a joke, funny picture, video. Send it to oyeemmanuel@ymail.com and it will be publish immediately.

funny girl

Victor was just taking a look at his girl's friend phone and saw funny names, saved in the contact list... Such as Taiwo Stingy, Tola slender, James big ear, Mick   Blacky. He was just laughing at all the names he saw. So, he decided to check out what his own number had been saved as, when he called his line, what he saw was shocking, "DANIEL MOUTH ODOUR".

idiot

A Sexy,beautiful, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane. Suddenly the lady ask the guy ' Please can you help me remove something from my breast? ‘The guy was so excited and replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?' "Your Eyes, idiot!"

The Policemen and the ghost

Some policemen on duty at around 11:30pm saw a well dressed man walking towards them.

"Stop! Where are you going at this of the day?" One of the policemen asked.

"Sorry sir" the man politely answered, "I was brought to this place (pointing behind him to  a cemetery) and continued, but it has been lonely there so I decided to come out here to see if I can find someone to make friends with."

Immediately, the Police here this they vanish. Their caps, shoes are seen all over the place ……

Jokes Galore let go there